Goodbye
by Ambereyedwolfchild
Summary: Gabriel wrote Sam a goodbye letter explaining everything. He couldn't have his last goodbye in porn, not to the man he loves. Sabriel. Sam Winchester/Gabriel. Angst. Canon character death.


Samsquatch,

I know by now you'll have seen my 'note', if a message on a shitty porno counts as a note… I thought about leaving it there. Letting you think I was a cowardly douche. Well… I am a cowardly douche. I've always been so scared of everything. I hate confrontation, much preferring the shadows. I've been called heartless before. I let my brothers fight to the death rather than get involved. It's not because I'm heartless, Sammy. I'm… heartfull. I don't think that's a word. But I am. I have so many brothers and sisters. Too many to name. I love them. I love them all. So, _so_much. They're my family and family is everything. There will only ever be one person I love more than my siblings. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Okay. Let's take it back to the start. It's hard to remember now, memory blurred after year upon year upon mindnumbing year, but I was a fledgling once. A rebellious, newly formed archangel with a fuckload of ambition and a thimbleful of common sense. I saw my Dad once in my whole life. Once was enough. He's… there aren't words. He's all consuming. And busy. The bible claims that the world was made in a week. Bullshit. The Earth, beautiful planet Earth, took so much. Effort, power, faith, even lives were given to the project. Put into perfecting this wonderful world. And, for a while, it was perfect. It was a perfect ecosystem but there was nothing there. So Dad asked for help. He gave us a task. The whole celestial body. Create. He gave us each a blank canvas, one creature to roam the Earth. Castiel, my darling brother, created the albatross. He loves to fly. I thought I'd never be able to convince him to travel any other way. Not until your brother came along. But this isn't about them. This is about perfection. I didn't know what to create. I spent years and years, sitting on a rocky little perch in the middle of nowhere with Castiel. We watched the albatross. They swooped and circled and Castiel _glowed _with pride. So did I. My baby brother had made something beautiful. And perfect. I knew then that Dad had a plan for Castiel. I trusted him to protect my favourite brother. I was wrong to do so.

I… I made worms. Glamorous I know. It was necessary. I could see what the Earth needed. I didn't want to. I had so many ideas, for beautiful creatures that would stun the world. But the Earth didn't need flamboyant. It needed worms. That was the last time that Dad was proud of me. I was the only one who put the Earth first. Dad was _proud. _Of me. It was the greatest feeling in the world. I wanted to find him. Bask in that joy. I searched and searched for years before I found him. Me. I found him. Not Michael of Luci or Raph. Me. He was hidden away to work on his magnum opus. You. Humans.

It's not genetic lucky dip like some believe. Dad handmade each and every one of you. Crafted each soul with his bare hands. He wrote your beginning and your end. The middle… that was his gift to you. I found him surrounded by souls. A hundred million different flickering lights but one…it glowed, Sam. I could feel it calling to me. So pure and perfect. I could see power and destiny and _pain. _This tiny soul had so much in store.

Dad saw me. Of course he did. He is God after all. I thought I'd be in trouble. I was disobedient. We were to leave him alone and watch over the beasts. But even in the presence of God himself… I couldn't look away from that soul. It was mesmerising. Like staring into the core of the sun. Dad laughed. He hugged me, Sammy. For a moment everything was perfect. He let me hold it, the soul. Let me hold it in the palm of my hand. Dad made me a promise. He named me his messenger. Asked me to spread his word. He promised me that if I did my duty. Carried his messages, spreak his word and avenged his wrongs then I would see the soul again. He told me that I could follow my heart and it would lead me back. He lied.

I followed my heart. I fell. I don't like that term. I didn't fall. I jumped. My heart led me to Earth and I listened, spreading his word and avenging him. After a thousand years I began to think I'd made a mistake. Began to think I'd lost that beautiful, flawless soul forever. Then I met you. Samuel Winchester. A hunter. Hunting _me._ How's that for just desserts? And tall. Ironic too. I thought I knew what this was. A shot at redemption. Come back to heaven and settle the stupidity that passed for divine rule. I refused. I couldn't watch them hurt each other.

I was wrong. You weren't a reward for redemption. No. You were my bait. Daddy dearest wanted Luci to kill me. I was a _pawn_. Millions of years of work and I was no better than fodder for the war. I know that. I know that if I get involved, I'll die. I also know I'll get in their way. Because you are mine. I will _not _have my brother tainting that beautiful soul. When I held your soul it was small and fragile. Now it's strong and powerful and all the more perfect.

I'll wait. I waited for a billion years. I can wait the rest of your life. When you die, I'll be there. I'll wrap you in my wings and take you up to heaven where you belong. Even if I have to fight through the fires of Hell and all my siblings. Because you. are. mine. And I will protect you to the end. I wish I had the courage to send it to you.

I love you, Sam Winchester. I'll see you at the gates of Hell.

Gabriel


End file.
